We were taught that love would be an effortless endeavor. That it is passive in nature and it happens by chance; not something we choose but something we stumble upon one day, and to a flawless, “happily ever after” end.
Growing up and growing old you begin to realize that it's not quite the effortless endeavor you have been thought it is.

Well, it's not. Here is what I've came across  - if you give something enough thinking, time and energy the value of that object or person will be greater (for you). For example if you construct a kitchen table, all on your own and you put your creativity, time and energy into the process. It's very likely that you are going to value and like this table much more than other comparable tables. Can you think of someone already utilizing this strategy? Yes, that's correct - IKEA are already utilizing this little trick, by making you assemble the furniture you bought from them. That way, you put time and effort into it and later you like that piece of furniture even more than you did when you saw it in the showroom. 

Another example of this theory is the relationship of The Little Prince and his rose. His flower doesn't differ by anything from any other rose, however it's much more special to him than any other flower on the planet. From Le Petit Prince - dialogue between The Little Prince and the fox . "You are beautiful, but you are empty," he went on. "One could not die for you. To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you--the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is she that I have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three that we saved to become butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or ever sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is my rose."

This only struck me few years ago - love doesn't happen to you unexpectedly, it's not a matter of chance. It's you, who choose to fall in love. It is a result of your thoughts, actions and choices you make.

Knowing that falling in and out love is something in your circle of influence will help change the way you think about love. And from being frustrated, sad and unsatisfied you can choose to become motivated, determined and empowered.

It can be incredibly liberating to realize that, in choosing how to respond to circumstances, we affect those circumstances.

Yesterday the head of our team popped up to my desk at work and told me "Ventsi, I've received a very good feedback for your work from the customer and from the other team members" , I told him "I've been only here for a month and I've hardly collaborated with anyone from the customer", "Yes, but they sit next to you and they can hear and see how you work and they said that you know what you are talking about", "Well , thank you for sharing the good feedback , it's always good to know when you are on the right track" . Indeed , it is good.

Being from Easter Europe I'm not very accustomed to positive feedback. The communism didn't require positive feedback and appreciation to function - you had a job which you must do and that's it, you are expect to do it the best you can. However if you mess up something,  you'll be amazed how quickly the negative feedback will follow.

After I went home we had a discussion with my flatmate, who has more experience working with people from the Middle East - he has confirmed the same experience. Positive feedback and appreciation is not used in daily interaction. So it's not only in Bulgaria and most probably it has nothing to do with the communism :). (ref: Bulgaria is not under communist regime since 1989)

I've always been a supporter of the carrot method when it comes to motivating people (from "the carrot and the stick" motivation theory).When working in Bulgaria, for two years I worked directly with the owner of the company - she is extraordinary woman and she is very good with people. However when it comes to encouragement and positive feedback, she wasn't a big fan of the idea to motivate the employees through positive feedback. She believed in financial incentives. It is true that financial incentives often will have effect, but after a while they lose practicality or they may stop working at all. While working there I could see managers struggling to tell their subordinates that they did a good job, it just felt so unnatural to them. And it was -  giving feedback is a skill just like any other skills (writing, singing, running) it requires time and effort to develop it. And since we are not very good at giving positive feedback in our day-to-day interactions, it's even harder to do it at work.

To be hones, I like how people in Western Europe and North America give appreciation when it's due. And what's not to like, it's a win win scenario:

1.  You are not giving something away when you are giving positive appraisal. 
2.  You are not lowering your value but meanwhile you are raising the other persons value. 
3.  You are not worsening your mood but meanwhile you are making the receiver feel better. 

Giving positive feedback will not only benefit the received but will benefit you who give it. First you'll feel better and second it's a step in developing this skill.
Do you remember how often Bulgarians living abroad or yourself returning from a trip back to Bulgaria will be complaining how unfriendly services in Bulgaria are? How the lady at the passport control gave them frown face. How the neighbors living in the same building will not greet them or will have frown faces all the time. My theory is that we don't show enough appreciation and we don't give enough credit to the people doing their job because we adopt the common mindset which is "people are paid for what they are doing and I don't own them anything".

It's a generation and cultural mindset which I believe will slowly change with more and more international companies opening offices in Bulgaria, more people travelling and working abroad and with more personal development books and speakers (Stephen Covey, Tony Robbins) .

The truth is that if you don't feel good about yourself it's very hard to treat the others nicely and show appreciation for what they do. There are even people who think that they are showing weakness when they are being nice to people. Unfortunately in Bulgaria it's commonly accepted that to be rude is showcase of dominance and power - I call this the mutra (figurehead) syndrome :). Here is a something to think about - it's much easier to be rude and treat people bad, than to be kind and treat the others like you want to be treated. If you don't believe me try to compliment someone for their look when you are having a bad day.

If you like the idea of appreciating and giving positive feedback, below are few points which will help you in developing this skill and get all the benefits:

• give appraisal or say "Thank you" when it's due . Don't delay your appraisal, tell someone they did well straight after their act.
• tell people what they did well and what you liked in their performance/work. Example: "You did a great job responding to that provocative email by the supplier" or "Thank you very much for giving me an extra bag for the groceries"
• be honest and mean what you say. If you don't mean what you say, people will spot it and it won't have the same effect. 

If you haven't been in Sofia, you must go! You can read lonely planet guides or look at photos or listen to stories about how friendly the people are. But the truth is that the city has a soul,  which is hard to explain, you have to experience it. And although I have been living in Sofia for a quite while, last time when I was back for the holidays I've rediscover the city through it's bars and restaurants . Don't get me wrong Sofia has much more to offer, it's was just the holidays season and the freezing weather outside which made me wonder more indoors :).
Below is my short list of places you should visit if you would like to have fun, catch up with friends or just spend a relaxing afternoon with a book or laptop.  

1. Hambara (Хамбара) (22, 6th of September Street) 

This place is not the easiest to be found. The entrance is situated far from the main street, at the end of narrow passage between the buildings. After a short wondering around in the freezing cold evening we found it. Once you see the entrance door you know that it's not your ordinary bar. 

The whole place is lit only by candles and you can see a huge piles of wax under each of the candles. The ambiance reminds me of a bar where pirates hangout or hobbits - unfortunately I saw none. 

The music was loud enough to create a nice atmosphere but not too loud to hinder your conversation. The list of drinks was large enough but don't expect to get any fancy cocktails (Mojito for example).  

It's the perfect place for nice intimate conversation over a drink. 

2. Raketa - rakia bar (bul. Ianko Sakuzov 17)   

 It's located just near the Zaimov park. This place will bring you back in time , way back. All over the shelves you'll find things that were in use 20 or 30 years ago. I remember everyone was like - "a we had this vacuum cleaner at home when I was a little boy", or "I had this toy"... or "the fridge..." . It was good that I was the first to arrive and I could just look around . This place just brought so much childhood memories.    

They have their own Rakia brew (I'm sure it's not called brew but you know what I mean :) ) , and even though I'm not a big fan of the drink the apricot Rakia which we had was amazing. 

The food quality is a bit above the average for a restaurant in the city. You can even get a high quality rum steak for a reasonable price. 

Overall - great service , amazing rakia, very nice food and a trip back in time to your childhood if you were fortunate enough to have lived in Bulgaria.

You'll even get an excuse note for the misses which states that you have been in the company of respectful men and you haven't been involved in any activities that can hinder your family honor. Classy ! :) 

3. McCarthys - Irish Pub ( „Alabin I. Vl.“ 29 )

You can find Irish pubs anywhere in the world, Sofia is not an exception.
Overlooking the corner of Vitoshka and Alabin this Irish pub is the perfect place to spend a relaxing afternoon or stay for the evening and enjoy a gig and live band. I've only been there in the late afternoon and was happily surprised by the tea variety and the service. 

4. Bilkova Bar - (22 Tsar Ivan Shishman St)

It's all about the barman, just sit behind the bar - it's a must. The guy is pretty knowledgeable of his stuff and knows his alcohol. Although he is mostly drinking rum he can elaborate and suggest a good whiskey (doesn't have to be the most expensive one). 

Thanks to Radi, Petko and Dido for showing me these jewels! 

I've come up with this concept of retrospective new year resolution. How it works - you wait for the end of the year, look back and see what you've accomplished and/or what you are proud of. Name those accomplishment your last year's resolutions. Pros: you can't fail your new year's resolutions.

As Steve Jobs said in his Stanford university commencement speech - "you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards" .
Or the concept is just another way of saying I'm too indecisive to make a New Year's resolution and I'll just go with the flow.

Here it goes , my 2014 new year's resolutions (all fulfilled):
Moved to another country - Complete my first ever Marathon (42 km) - Traveled to new continent (Africa) - Cycled from London to Paris - Signed up for Muay Thai classes (which I dread for a while) 

lol - yes it's for 2014 :)

I've always wanted to write. I have respect for the people who write or read, or can do both.
My father reads a lot, he brought some 1000+ books when we moved to Bulgaria and he is always  reading something. All of them he already has read when he was in his twenties, but still is re-reading.  We always had a lot of books at home, we can't even fit all the books in the apartment and we had to bring some to my grandmas place. From all those books I've read 4 ... wait 6.
I've only started reading a bit more when I was living in Paris.  Reading in Paris is the sh*t !
In other places of the world people will evaluate you by your car, clothes, watch or jewelry you wear - in Paris they look at the books you read on the metro.

Nowadays I have some time on my sleeves and this blog will be my attempt to get better in writing.
*It's not a new year resolution!